this is for you.

love is something that we can't lie. and to be honest, it is hard for me to give out my love and to accept someone's love. 

i've once had it. and. i've lost it. 

i love you. i've always had. the time that we spent and the sacrifices that i made and the promises that i said - those were never lies. but probably because we're too young to understand how the world works, and we're too young to not experience our lives, now is not the right time to actually be together. you were my best friend, my soulmate, my love, my protector, my everything. but we're just too different. 

and i know you will read this. one day. and this is my love letter to you. 

when i first saw you, it was love at first sight. i have no idea what gotten into me, but i was madly into you. you're funny, comfortable to be with, a GREAT listener, a brother i never had. i remembered the first time you asked me where am i staying - i literally wanted to run and hide at that time but yeah we were on the bridge so obviously there's nowhere to go. hahaha. silly me =___=

the first time we connected was the moment you gave me my bag, at that time when i stared into your eyes all i can see is you. YOU - the person who i fell in love with. and yes, your eyes are my weakness. your smile is my addiction. your love is my passion. 

even though the time we spent was only for a year, it felt like forever. 

but we're too different. i'm a rebellious person. i hate to be controlled. i hate to be decided. i hate when people start to interfere with my business. all i want is for someone to listen to my complaints, my nags, and to be there for me. no matter what. but also in the same time, give me space for me to enjoy my life with my friends. 

and you can't do that. 

no matter how much i love you, i can't let you do that to me. no matter how much i love you, i need my space to enjoy my life. no matter how much i love you, our differences made it too hard for me to stand you. no matter how much i love you, i wasn't happy most of the time. 

sayang, 

no matter what you will always be the greatest, sweetest memory of mine. the time we spent, the memories we made, the love we shared is irreplaceable. even though i said that i'm okay, but i'm hurt. there's not a single day that i never think of you. to know how are you doing, to know what you are doing, to know that you're alright. but you know i have ego issues. i refrain myself from destroying myself by doing that. 

sayang,

i'm sorry if it has to end like this. i just can't do it anymore. for the time being. i want to enjoy my life. i want to experience everything that i can experience. and create memories with my friends. my best friends. no matter what you think of them - i love them. if you're saying they're bad influence? i guess you're wrong. i'm their bad influence. not them. nobody can influence me. i have my own ideologies. i plan my life, and the journey. 

sayang, 

who knows probably one day in the future we'll meet again. and this time we're more mature and ready. we know more about the world. and we'll be more knowledgable. macam pepatah "kalau dah jodoh, tak kemana kan?" i want you to study hard, do your very best in everything you do, achieve your goals and dreams, enjoy life to the fullest and create memories with your friends. spend time more for yourself and think for yourself and not others. 

sayang,

take good care of yourself. be happy always. smile the brightest. laugh the hardest. and just enjoy life. 

always remember - ever thine, ever mine, ever ours. 

and i know you know this letter is for you sayang. thanks for remembering my birthday when nobody remembered it. at least i still know there's still someone who cared about me. i love you. 

xoxo,

n.