Sunday, December 29

semenyih isnt safe anymore

for the past few months many criminal cases were reported.

1. gang robbed
2. snatch thieves
3. rape
4. robberies
5. road bullies

semenyih isnt safe anymore. especially taman tasik semenyih. and this specific residential area are mostly students. nottingham uni's students to be exact. and we as students, we are feeling really really insecure right now. we all need to stay on campus. off campus areas are really not safe anymore. these people do not know their limits anymore. and they are expanding. i dont think all these crimes are done by one specific group of people but they have severals. not really sure whether they are locals or foreign contractor workers but it is really not safe anymore.

my house just got broken in. dont really know when did this happen. me and my housemate left the house unoccupied for more than 2 weeks already. my housemate came back this evening and found out our house was ransacked. not sure what else is missing but the TV and my playstation was taken. my room was a mess all the rooms' doors are broken. the sliding door got smashed and everything is just HAVOC.

and this is not the first time students around this area got robbed. there are many cases already but i guess its not our luck too for getting broken in too. and yes we have to move. i guess all these people already marked us and have been watching us for a long time. they have strategic plans to when actually undergo their operation.

the police really need to do something about this. and not to forget the admin of the uni too. since you guys dont provide enough rooms for all the students and forcing them to stay off campus i guess you guys have to take responsibility of our safety. your students are being robbed and their safety is at sake. how can you sit back and relax and enjoy your damn cup of coffee everyday knowing that your students are not safe.

and yet you guys have the guts to say its not your responsibility?

you guys took enough money from us but the services, the facilities and the infrastructures you're providing us are shit. admins really need to buck up their services and management real quick. more students are getting pissed off day by day and if you really want to be the best you really have to make a move asap.

from an angry student

p.s. i got so pissed off coz the playstation i bought with my hard earn money. damn you robbers!

Saturday, December 28

happy and yes happy ;)

finallaayyy its the weekend!

and yes finally we got time to spend for each other yey! its 4.53pm in netherlands and its 11.53pm in malaysia and finally we got time to text. woohoo! i'm a happy kid \O/

my friendship with you is something i would have never imagined. but i'm really comfortable being friends with you and sharing my stories and telling you everything that i have in mind. thank you for making me smile everytime without fail and being a good listener to me. YOU ARE A GREAT FRIEND. i just hope one day i can go to rotterdam and meet you!

you're starting your semester already. and i'm starting mine. we both gonna be extra busy this spring and oh well, i guess in netherlands its gonna snow until april maybe? you are so lucky! at least later you'll have tulips. send me some pleeeaassseeee?

i just hope i can go to UK this september. then, prolly i'll have the chance to finally meet you in person! after such a looonnnggg time :) this entry is for you my friend, thank you for everything!


Friday, December 27

asian parents

yes. i'm a malay. not pure malay. quarter malay quarter arab half banjarese. but on my IC yeah i'm a malay. as in malaysia we need to have the so-called 'race'. why can't we all be malaysians instead of malay, chinese, indian or others? well, let's not discuss that matter.

as everyone knows asian parents are legitimately THE most strict parents ever. and asian will be referred to the chinese, japanese and ext.......

even tho i'm a malay but my parents are an example of ASIAN PARENTS. and this entry is what asian parents forced their children to do

1. get PERFECT scores in all of the subjects

like seriously, if i ever get a B in a subject they will question the shit out of me. like "why you no study?" "why you no serious in studying?" "why you no do exercise?" "why you no practice?" "why you always sleep?" "why you careless?" "why you no focus?" literally i sleep at 1am in the morning everyday to study but if i ever get a B for my parents its like i just stared at my book for 5hours without doing anything. you gotta be kidding me omg!

2. mathematics exercises every freaking day!

yes. maths is a subject that is a MUST for me to get PERFECT scores. its like there's no reason at all for me to not get perfect scores. if i ever did not get perfect scores omg its like thunderstorm coming from my parents. yes maths is a subject that there's only right or wrong answers. and its like sooooo easy to score. you just have to answer the question accordingly and calculate it correctly. but yeah i always make silly mistakes and my carelessness caused me to attend a 3 hours lecture non-stop by my beloved 2 lecturers at home T_____T

in order to get that perfect scores, 50 questions everyday without fail. and if i fail to ever do so, again. lectures. my parents wont beat me. to them beating me will not solve anything. so they tortured me psychologically. and it works man. it really worked! all i can do is just cry the whole night. and promise myself to complete all the exercises in order to not get tortured. like i will force myself. getting lectured is more painful then having to do 50 questions everyday. seriously guys, trust me.

3. learning MANDARIN

你知道吗,我的父母要我学习汉语这样我可以与中国谈。我学会了汉语,因为我四岁。and i struggled like maaaadddd. mandarin is not an easy language okay. without practice you'll forget easily and the pinyin. omg the pinyin. if you pronounce it wrongly, it will give different meanings. and sometimes those meanings are not puurrrdddyyyy i tell you! hahaha. i do enjoy mandarin. very much! and i love to speak in mandarin as most of my friends are chinese anyway :D and i can simply talk to the taxi driver, the fish aunty, the florist in mandarin! yeay! much easy to communicate. i just hope one day i can go to china and improve my mandarin. i HOPE. in sha Allah amin :)

4. extra abilities

having an extra 'thing' to be good at apart from academic is vital. and my extra ability is that i can read music, play music, make music and oh well, i'm a certified musician. my mom said having the ability to play instruments and getting certified is something what employees are searching for in the future. i might have good grades, graduated in honour, and have an awesome personality. but if i have this 'extra talent' in my cv, it gives you more chances to get employed.

i got my o-levels in music when i was 12. and that was sooooo like a long time ago. i stopped for a while coz i went to boarding school. but i continued my music studies during the one month school holidays. now i'm in the process of attaining my a-levels. and hopefully i can continue my diploma after. studying music is hard, trust me. don't you think that it's easy. it's full of shit. and yes my teacher is also an example of an asian parent (to me) all of her students MUST get distinction. during the trial exam and the real exam. or you cannot take the exams at all. like ever. if you wanna take it too, find another teacher.

scary? she is. but she's nice to me coz i'm a good girl :p she loves me the most *perasan*

5. study 24/7 and NO FUN OR ENTERTAINMENT

last but not least is the part where i have to study 24 hours a day 7 days a week and i'm not allowed to have fun or enjoy the slightest bit of entertainment. but prolly most of you who knows me will say this is bullshit. but yes. ITS TRUE omg. all the fun that i have and the entertainment that i experienced are all without the knowledge of my parents lol. whats fun without a risk right? whats risk without some lies? some? oh well life goes on hahahaha!

so basically those are some of the things that asian parents do to their children. but i guess i'm thankful and grateful for having such parents because of what i am and how i am today. many would say that my mentality is corrupted for being too westernised? but listen. its a globalised world now. theres no borders theres no boundaries. you need to keep an open mind if you want to experience more and understand more.

alhamdulillah. i'm grateful for what my parents did to me that made me someone who's very outspoken and very open minded. i accept everyone's ideas and every perceptions towards the world. you might say i'm not conservative and i'm too modernised and i'm too i don't know. spoiled? corrupted? corroded? i dont give a damn.

because what i am have brought me to where i am today. and i'm happy of where i am now. and with the people i've met. and with the culture i've learnt. and with the kind of society i've encountered. different yet every each one of them are special in their own ways. i'm not judgmental and i hate judging people. and i hate people who loves to judge.

everybody's different. why do you wanna care so much?

*freaking mindblown myself*

Thursday, December 26

day 11

so i went to my grandma's place today coz my mom's youngest brother came over to visit. brought afa along. so she played with her uncles as they were quite the same age as her. and finally for the second time meeting baby pija! my youngest cousin - the little one. cant believe afa has an aunty who's younger than her by 2 years! hahaha. my family.

i love babies so much that watching them sleep made me wanna munch them. nomnomnomnomnom. as usual i love to hold babies and carry them. when pija woke up i was the one who carried her and calmed her down. and yeah of course pija stopped crying. when we stared at each other as i sang her a lullaby somehow i feel so touched that i want a baby on my own too. one day.

but im scared. i wont be a good mom to my child later. aku garang sangat. like seriously. aku garang kot dengan afa. aku je laa dalam family yang suka marah dia lol. mommy kata i'm too ranggi? dalam bahasa peghoknye. and to be a mother i need to be soft and gentle. but i can't. can i? could i? would i?

the big question is WOULD I?

i know i said i wouldnt change for anybody or anything. but what if being a mother that will change me one day? to be a more soft and gentle woman. a more caring and lovable person. to be more considerate and tolerate. who knows? but... if i ever get married laa one day. if i ever. if i dont then no children so no gentle me? LOL

i took care of afa like she's my own lil sister. not as my niece. we fought a lot like siblings do. and i love to bully her. like what big sisters would do to their younger siblings haha. i bathe her feed her play with her like an older sister. prolly coz of my age, my mentality, i'm still too young? but i'm turning 20 in a few days.. a few weeks.. still can consider myself as childish?

i dont think im childish. immature yes. childish no. im just not ready yet for all this commitment bullshit and sticking to a person for my whole life. its tooooo responsible? :O

p.s. lets just hope one day i'll find someone who i'm willing to share everything with. I HOPE.


7 hours

its 9.30 am in netherlands. and gosh how much i've missed you!

this 7 hours distance between us is killing me. LOL i have loads to tell you. LIKE LOOAADDSS~ not just disturbing problems but funny stories. you're busy working and i'm busy doing assignments. by the time you're free i'm asleep already and when i'm free you're asleep. how can it beeeeeeeeee.......?

like how i received your text at freaking 2 am but i couldnt reply coz i was damn sleepy and by the time i woke up and replied your text you were half way around the world snoring your ass off hahaha. prolly during the weekends we can find time for each other.


day 10

so i slept quite early last night that i forgot to post day 10 of my vacay here. did nothing much apart from online and assignments and baby sitting. 

struggling with my assignments. never felt this much of regret because i took the wrong course. but no u-turn can be made. this is the choice i've decided. this is the painful decision that i've made. i have to live with it. proudly and happily. 

international communication studies - a course about studying the culture, the ideologies and the society. 

analysing and meta-analysing are the core concept of studying this course. which are definitely something i'm not familiar with. i'm a logic-thinker. i believe in what i see and reality. i accept something that can be proven through science and experiments. something that is definite. but my course is about abstract. something so crystal that logic is beyond of its question. 

society? what is there to question about society? each person has their own ideologies. why would we wanna question them? its their rights hello? nobody forced them. prolly somebody might forced them. but then, why would we wanna investigate that again? unless its something so awesome that it mindblown everyone and we can make hypothesis of an awesome experiment. 

i'm a hands on person. and these things that i'm learning, it aint hands on. everything is theoretical. everything is on paper. everything needs reading but no proving in real life. i believe what i see and what i touch. how can i believe with things i cant even prove if it exists? :O 

stop complaining bitch and start completing your assignments. 


Tuesday, December 24

BEWARE : do not care

for the past 19 years of my life i've been living on my own and i'm used to it. nobody really cared about me anyway. i solved my own problems. i handle my life. i make my own choices. i know which one is wrong and which is right. which is good and which is bad. i don't need anybody to fucking tell me that. i'm a big girl. i make my decisions. and i don't need anybody, ANYBODY to care about my life. care about yours please. not mine.

if you really wanna see me happy let me be. don't interfere with my life if you don't want me to hate you. i'm not close minded or anything but who are you to put your finger in my decisions? in my life? who are you again? be reminded that you're not anybody. nope. nadaa. nobody in my life. so, fuck off please? you want me to be good to you? STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE IN MY PROBLEMS. i will solve them myself. i will decide whatever things that i wanna do. get it?

i'm sorry. i'm stubborn i know. and i have a very cold heart. i don't freaking care if you got hurt by whatever i said. do i look like i care? nope. so yeah. call me evil or cruel or bitch i don't give a damn.

i got hurt so much i rather hurt people than hurting myself. call me inhuman. prolly i'm not human anymore. lets just not care about anybody and care about our OWN business aite?

p.s don't worry about a thing coz every little thing's gonna be alright.

day 9

"when you get married, its not about you. its about the person you're getting married with"

every time when someone wants to get married, as their wedding date is getting closer, they tend to have second thoughts whether are they ready to get married? are they ready to commit themselves to the one and only? is he/she the right one? is this it?

and i read an article about it just now. when you decide to get married, its not about you anymore. its about the person you're getting married to. is he the one you wanna be happy with? would you risk anything for him just to make him happy? would you want him to be the father of your children? do you wanna have a family with him? and the list goes on. and none of the questions are about you. marriage is about your significant other. marriage is about your future children.

and i guess that is why for now, i can see my future as someone who will get married in their late 20's or early 30's. i dont trust guys anymore. they're just too complicated. many guys would say girls are complicated. but prolly coz im more to a guy and my ex's are more feminine? like i said. sometimes i feel like im the one who's wearing pants in the relationship. and.... i hate that! all i want is just someone who can understand me and accept me for who i am?

i hate dramas. and i hate people who give dramas. i have loads more important things to think about. and not you. so once you give me dramas just be reminded that you no longer exist in my brain. astalavista.

i hope one day my heart can accept someone who i know can be significant other. right now, for me, marriage is just something that would make my life miserable. let me live on my own for a while, be me and enjoy life. get to know people. have fun. until the right time comes. i guess?


Monday, December 23

day 8

its 10.59 pm and i just ran out of energy.

afa is spending her week here in ipoh. and of course i will be the one taking care of her during the day and my parents will take over the responsibility at night. and damn, she's one lil kid who needs a lot of attention or she'll hurt herself.

started the day with finding afa's nasi lemak for her breakfast but she ended up eating it around 10 am. give her a bath and spent most of the time playing with her and her toys. and here is the list of toys she brought along:

1. playdoh
2. her cars
3. drawing block and a box of crayons
4. stuffed animals - most of them are sesame street's characters
5. bedtime story books
6. ipad

so yeah she loves the playdoh the most so we played that most of the time. until i got so tired that i accidentally slept while playing with her lol. around 3pm my grandmom woke me up and i found out afa was sleeping soundly beside me in my arms. aawwww~ hahaha. so i picked her up and brought her upstairs so that she can sleep comfortably on the bed. guess what? she slept for more than 3 hours!

she woke up around 5pm and continued her mission of playing with her toys. bought her cokodok and brought her back home around 7pm coz mommy and daddy arrived home already. ate dinner and now im sitting in front of my lappy while updating this piece of crap.

im having a massive sinus right now and i hate it! bleerrgghhh~ its been a while since i got sinus. guess i was infected by afa? coz she's having running nose right now. might prolly due to that i got my sinus. im so allergic i can simply get infected by almost anything and everything.

take care everybody and get well soon dear me.


Sunday, December 22

i'm sorry

im sorry for hurting your feelings. or acting such a snob most of the times. and it is as if i dont care. yeah in fact actually i dont really care. but im not a snob. you can ask that to my closest friends. ask those who actually knows me in person not those who THINK they know me that they can tell STORIES about me. you can just tell them to go die.

jumpa aku pun tak pernah ade hati nak cerita macam kenal aku sangat. bitch please. aku pun tak kenal kau macam mana kau kenal aku? :O 

its not that i wanna act all popular and what. even i dont understand how can people i've never met my whole life can tell stories about me chapter by chapter? obviously weird. as if i have paparazzis stalking me :-s literally am feeling insecure right now. eyes are everywhere looking over me to find interesting stories about me. please i aint a celebrity =_____= i dont wanna be known. i dont want people to know me. im practically invisible to most of the people yet they can still see me. harry potter please borrow me your invisibility cloak and let me disappear.

im sorry im just extremely NOT friendly. i used to be friendly. to everyone. but most of them took it the wrong way. they thought i was flirting. like seriously guys.... i dont flirt. i dont even know how! yet due to my friendliness A LOT of people thought i was playing with their feelings. bitch please. i aint got feelings. why would i play with yours? i hate to get to know people nowadays. coz later the one getting hurt once again would obviously be.... me.

my life has enough sadness for now. dont add it up anymore. i aint a snob. i aint a bitch who thinks she's all that. im just a normal little girl who wants to live in her own bubble and be free to do whatever she wants without anybody care about her and just live happily.

i want back my happiness. and i would do anything to anyone who's trying to stop it.

remember: i have the ability to go rage and kill.


day 5,6,7

yo party people! peeps!

basically day 5,6,7 obviously i wasn't around. got back to KL as usual to clean things up and just to spend time with my sis, my bro in law and of course the jewel of the family (pfftt!) aint got internet line over there and i didnt brought my lappy with me so yeah no updates!

day 5

we started our journey heading to KL in the morning. so we reached home some time around the afternoon after having lunch at Awan Besar. so we started to clean the house and all. did the laundry. got so tired after. tried to read the readings but it ends up to a failure. i fell asleep. at night thought of going to meet my beloved sis but nahh. takde rezeki. parents slept early. i watched iron man 2 on TV3 (coz it was so boring i dont know what to do) and i exercised. in the middle of the night. how genius! =______= i took a bath and sleep around 2? or earlier i cant remember.

day 6

in the morning had breakfast at some stall in KL. sent mommay to impiana for her SUREMOR workshop. the last workshop for all the MOR researchers of the year. and the last year of mommy leading the pack. alhamdulillah! no more headaches, hbp, migraine and all for mommy. no reason at all! hahaha. now she has to only focus on her teachings and ME (ngehehehe). later went to KLCC to meet my sis and her family. omg afa actually misses me! she said that. "afa du uchu". i was so touched. awww! even tho i act so fierce with her she still loves me. hahaha. we annoy each other that much. had lunch and later i met Jun Jie. omg! its been more than a year i guess since i last met him. nothing's changed that much tho. difference is that he's not wearing a cap anymore and he grew his hair. your appearance is so much better now JJ trust me your ex is gonna weep! we talked and gossiped and watched hobbit: the desolation of smaug. one word: EPIC! for me the first one was better but the second was epic too. overall HOBBIT IS JUST TREMENDOUSLY AWESOME!

had a nice day tho meeting a friend and gossiping about mutual interest hahaha. at least he understands me eceehh! 你是我的男好朋友!我很高兴认识你也很高兴可以见你。oh and yes there's a comic fiesta at the convention centre the whole entire weekend. so klcc is basically packed of comic characters roaming around and visitors all over. they actually came from all over malaysia! JJ was at klcc that day coz his sister was participating in that event. so while waiting for her we hung out together. after the movie we went our separate paths and i went to accompany my sister with some shopping. daddy and the others already went back. on our way back (using the lrt) my sis and i, we saw many many unique characters and unique people. hahaha. we kept on wondering how much time, energy and money all these fanatics spent to become the characters they adore and trying to show how passionate they were in what they love.

i saw naruto characters, bleach characters, sailormoon characters, power rangers, carcaptor sakura, and even boboiboy! hahaha. i was amazed actually with their passion and enthusiasm. how i wish i have those kind of characteristics in me. but there are some funny people that we met. from a far we saw someone wearing a pink long hair wig, with pink ballerina outfit holding a pink bag and its actually a guy. we were kinda confused at that time but we were still figuring out who is he. which character? and then my sis saw a pink pony from my little pony in his pink bag. and she's like "ohh he's the pink pony from my little pony" and like what theeeee~ are you serious? hahaha and we laughed that whole way. then we met many guys becoming female comic characters which were just unavoidably funny. O.M.G.

at night, we went out again to have a splendid dinner. it was awesome. we had western. it was delicious! it was actually the first time we went there. i forgot the name of the place. its affordable yet the food tasted so nice! especially afa's sausage. omg. i ate them all! hahaha. and afa ate her mom's pasta :p went back to klcc after dinner coz mommy wanted to buy something but ended up not buying anything and i slept the whole way after. such a tiring day! but whole lot of memories to be laughed about later.

day 7

nothing much. ate breakfast and went back Ipoh. i drove the whole way so i ended up sleeping once we arrived ipoh. oh btw, afa followed us back. so she'll be living with me for the whole week. wait for my updates about our fights, battles and wars LOL. later in the evening went to visit opah and atok. turned out aunty nyah, uncle khairun, along and dhir were still there. i thought they already left ipoh but i guess that's what we call as rezeki? so as usual, afa was the centre of attention. everybody loves her. she's the jewel of the family kan..... hahaha!

gossip gossip and more gossip

and they went back home. and later, we went back home. hahaha. brought my baby for a shower and now he's looking good and masculine! whoop whoop! discussed with mommy and daddy of leaving for semenyih by this weekend. they are considering it. yey! yey! new year in semenyih baby! cant wait. hahaha. but before that, i have to settle my baby. send for service, check the engine, the water, the oil, the tyres.... haihh tyres... hmmm my money for my baby's tyres already being used. i actually saved up that money for almost a year okay! yet its just gone in a blink of an eye. just because i was helping a friend. anyway.... i guess i have to save up again and my baby will just gonna have to wait.


in a nutshell, yeah that's my kind of holiday. that's what i will do anyway if i come back to ipoh. nothing much. just the boring same ol same ol. being the one responsible of almost everything. man i feel like im already old. but actually im still 19 LOL

okayy tired of writing and reporting my bullshits. guess i'll be reporting over and out.


Thursday, December 19


the things i've been through might not be as rough as others might experienced. but they're lucky. at least they have someone to share with. at least some people understood. it's kinda fucked up when you're alone. and there's no one who can understands you. apart from your friends. i wanna be me. freely be me without anyone judging. i was said to be the dirt of society. but who are you to label anyone? are you that holy? are you that sacred?

i admit i'm not religious. i don't have that much knowledge in my religion. but at least i have a belief system. i have faith. and i genuinely believe in my God, the Almighty Allah. but being religious itself won't be enough if you keep on judging people. only God has the rights to judge. to stereotype. you don't.

i wanna run away. and isolate myself. let me be alone in my own bubble. not disturbed. not hurt. i'm tired of making other people happy yet letting myself be the lonely one. letting myself bare all the sorrow. i want happiness too.

i may look strong and tough. it might be due to the wall i built. to secure myself. protect myself. hate me all you want. i don't care. i know nobody sticks around. and those who wanna stick around keep on letting me down. stab a knife into my heart. and ripped it into pieces. why can't i be like the evil queen? who stores her heart in a box. so that it won't break. so that it is secured. let me go. let me fly. let me decide what i wanna be and what i want. i don't wanna care about others anymore.

all i want is just happiness.

amsterdam; rotterdam; ONE FINE DAY

holla holland! hello yellow :)

why holland? i have no idea! hahaha. somehow i feel as if my heart's there. since i was 15 if im not mistaken. i really really wanna go there. but right now, im actually considering to migrate there! if not uk. then holland it is. yeah i know a lot of people say dutch are kinda mean and rude. but then, heck yeah imma live there.

i have a friend who's actually living there. he's from morocco but he was born in holland practically making him a hollander? i cant say he's dutch coz he's not. he's an arab born and raised in holland. so hollander i guess? i envy him so much. we actually wanted to switch places coz he loves the weather here. i love the tulips there! i really really wish i can go there.

have you ever got the feeling of something that you can feel it in your heart? that you know that's where you wanna be. you should be. my heart is at holland. and holland it is. if i can get a job in the uk then uk it is. but somehow i know holland is where i will land finally.

wait for me amsterdam! rotterdam! im coming for yaaaa!


day 4

yo wassuuppp?!

so today as usual i brought my grandmommah for her doc's appointment at GH. alhamdulillah, there's nothing to be worried about for now. it's just her thyroid is overproducing so the doc gave her some meds that would help thyroid to slow down its production. forgot the name of the meds. whatever i aint a pharmacy student LOL. GH was pack of people as always. but alhamdulillah everything went very smoothly and instead of having to spend half a day at the hospital, we made it in less than 2 hours. yey! we owe everything to Dato' and kak Rose for helping my grandmommah a lot. thank you! ^_^

i didnt drove my car as there will be no parking anyway. so my granddaddy dropped us and we have to take a cab back home. i got a cab and the driver was a chinese. my grandmommah told him i can speak mandarin so he started to speak in mandarin with me. turned out he was impressed! hahaha. he said that my accent sounded sooooo chinese? hahaha. yeah right my laoshi keep on saying that i have issues with my pinyin. how can i sounded so chinese? thank god i understood whatever he spoke to me and i can reply back. so yey again!

we talked about the differences between certain parents who sacrificed everything for their children's edu and certain parents who just want their child to be like them. my grandmommah told him she has 5 children and alhamdulillah all are living well and they all took care of both my grandmommah and granddaddy. some children they just ditch their parents after they succeed which is such a cruel thing to do! omg. no matter how rude i am to my parents i promised myself to not ever ignore them. old people are sensitive (like my mom) hahaha. but sometimes her naggings are just outrageous! and i have anger management problem so yeah we fought a lot. but i love her so much tho.

there are parents who would sacrificed everything, their happiness, their needs just to give their children a good edu. so that they will be successful in the future and repay their parents back in the future. its a Y2K world. money speaks. but some parents they dont think edu is the most important thing ever. in some parts of the world, i give you an example of a fisherman. they always tell their child. if you learn how to fish you can learn how to get money. there is no need for an edu. it wont get you anywhere. i guess they just gave up on their own children. but why? children need support from their parents. no matter how bad they are in their studies. a parent should not have said that to their children! omg.

knowledge is important. no matter what type of knowledge. skills and academically wise. yes you can teach your children fishing skills. but that does not mean you asked them to give up on their studies. that is just..... evil. i was brought up in a family where education is important. we will go nowhere without edu. without knowledge. i know some people are not as fortunate as others but no matter how unfortunate you are, banning your children from gaining knowledge is a huge NO-NO. why would you think in that way?

no wonder kids these days keep on saying "if i dont succeed in my exams also i can make money. most of the billionaires dont even have proper edu" yes. i agree. but it all depends on luck too. to secure your future you NEED to have education. no matter what. and education doesnt mean you have to go to pass your exams in flying colours. as long as you understand the knowledge that is given. you're good to go.

in a nutshell, EDUCATION IS IMPORTANT. knowledge is light. if you dont have it. then i guess you better get yourself out of the dark asap.


Wednesday, December 18

day 3

hello peeps!

this holidays suck in so many levels. i thought of enjoying it while it last and complete my assignments in time. howevaaahhh.... something already causing me stress and frustration. please leave me alone! i wanna be alone. being alone is so much better and less painful. before, all i ever did was making everyone else around me happy without even thinking about my own feelings. but in the end the one getting hurt and feeling loneliest is still me. if and only if i thought about myself more and dont even care about everyone else, i could be happier. i WOULD be happier. now my whole life is just nothing but pain and sadness.

why do you wanna do this to me? because i made your life like that? because i made you suffer? why cant you just let it go? im not happy. no. please leave me alone. i dont wanna be disturb. i dont wanna be sad. i dont wanna be frustrated. and stressed out. i just want peace. in my heart. so please do this favour for me? LEAVE ME ALONE.

enough is enough man. i've had enough of everything.

Tuesday, December 17

day 2

hello comos ta chias chickas !

sorry i didnt have that much time yesterday to actually update this piece of shit. haha. so yesterday i didnt do anything much. ipoh has nothing much to offer anyway. went to the hospital as usual. normal yada yada things we do when we're in ipoh. go find new places to eat. oh yeah i ate at this new malay restaurant and their food is freaking awesome! sedap boleh tak?

after that..... when i came back, i found that there's no electricity at home! omg. i feel like a burning dog. sooooo HOT! i suffered a bit but i survived. nothing much happened later on. oh yeah and i decided to post mindblown facts in my fb. hahaha. and also pictures of very very creative art pieces! omg. i really really hope i can be like them too. they make drawings look so effortless! and i even struggled to draw a stickman. how helpless and hopeless can i be?


Monday, December 16

day 1

hello peeps! 

im back. in ipoh. oh hail ipoh! its boring here omg. i have no idea what to do apart from taking care of my grandparents. all i can think of is prolly doing my assignments i guess? lots of readings and analysing blablabla. i can die of theseeeeeeeee T___T

so basically i did nothing productive today. woke up late. brought my grandparents out for lunch. came back home. thought of going to parkson but i didn't. play online games. go online. chat with friends. watched tv. had dinner. and now updating this blog. nothing much i guess? oh and yes. i did laundry too. 

i really need to start doing something productive tomorrow. damn it. 

oh and yes btw, my life is more complicated than this. and its so fucked up i dont even bother to care about it anymore. whatever man. i am more happy if i dont give a fuck about anything. so yolo! 


Wednesday, December 11

a story of why i wanna be a bitch

so here's a story about a dog, a lion and a monkey.

one fine day
a dog went out for a hike in the jungle
but then it got lost...

a lion saw a stray dog who looks really lost
and he planned to attack the dog
and eat it for his dinner so...
he quietly creep to the dog

the dog noticed that there's a lion nearby
therefore, he quickly think of an idea that will get the lion mindfucked

as the dog was thinking of an escape plan
he saw a pile of bones close to the place he currently was
so he shouted "walaweehh that was a freaking nice meat of a lion!"

when the lion heard what the dog just said
he got so freaked out that he quickly chiao away from the dog
a monkey saw what happened
so he wanna make alliance with the lion

the monkey quickly go to the lion
and jump on his back and whisper to the lion
"deyy that dog is lying to you laa deyy! how can a small dog like that eat a lion?"
"i saw the bones long before the dog was there"
the lion got so furious and ran back to the dog

the dog got so scared that he thought of a new idea
he suddenly shouted
"aiyooo where is this monkey?! i told him to bring me another lion! i'm so hungry right now!"

hahaha see how smart the dog is? let us be bitches then. coz bitches are smart yaaww!


Sunday, December 8


i should be studying for my oral and listening test tomorrow.....

but noooooo im blogging instead yey!





and i hope i can do my best and hope i don't screw my pinyin up.

bismillah goodluck everyone (^_^)


im glad i got to know you guys :)

hello yolo!

i just wanted to write this entry to express my gratitude that i got the chance to get to know these 2 people. they showed me that nothing is impossible and everything is possible if you believe. am i right? or am i right?

i got to know this guy i call him teddy bear okay? so i got to know teddy from.... i have absolutely no idea! hahaha prolly facebook maybe. yeah... we never met before but we have mutual friends i guess? so we became friends and he was really really nice. i think he's the most adorable teddy i've ever met and a really good listener. and he loves to make jokes too! well, i started to like him a bit but i just keep it to myself until one day he confessed that he likes me. and im like yey! (coz i kinda like him too) hahaha. so basically we became the bestest of friends ever and talking to him every night helps me a lot in not being that stressful through out my school days.

but then...

i got to know something. that his best friend stills loves him so much (eventhough according to him they broke up already). okay... *awkward* but then i heard rumours going around saying i took him away from her. and im like errr? i dont even know you. and your so-called 'boyfriend' has never mention of you. EVER. he approached me first. we became friends. and tadaaa we like each other. but then, i realised something. he actually loves her too. STILL loves her too. and that makes me wonder, then what am i doing here? why am i standing in the middle of them? and i knew i have to back down. he begged me not to leave and said that he loves me instead of her but i know, i know that he loves her more than me. how can he loves me more since we've never met? he doesnt even know me.

as soon as i lost contact with teddy. i got to know that teddy and his best friend were together again.

you see, it hurts me a lot that i am a rebound. just someone to replace the ones somebody has lost. but it's not nice you know. admitting that you love me just because you want me to be with you. you guys taught me a lot. that even anything that might happen, if you're meant for each other, you will eventually be together. i'm happy for you guys, seriously :)

p.s. presently, not all 'i love you' means the true love. sometimes people just use it because they wanna prove something. love cannot be proven through words, but through actions. and i felt that once. yet i lost it. but i hope i can find it again. one day.


cepatnye kau menghukum?

hello yolo!

what are you guys up to? my week was a total hectic! lots of assignments and yes my oral and listening test is tomorrow! i'm so scared to bits and pieces now. i might prolly die of exhaustion and nervousness. mandarin is not my strength yet i hope i can do my best though.

so.... lets see... this time the topic is "cepatnye kau menghukum?" and i might rojak sikit entry kali ni. basically i am not the most religious person on earth and i know that. but i totally have faith in what i believe. there's a scandal about Paul Walker's death recently and the comments that i've read is just omg how should i put this, RIDICULOUS?

aku tahu Paul Walker tu bukan Islam. dan sesungguhnya Allah telah kalamkan dalam Al-Quran sesiapa yang meninggal dalam keadaan bukan beriman iaitu tidak mengucapkan dua kalimah syahadah pasti akan merasa api neraka tetapi jika mereka beragama Islam suatu hari pasti akan masuk ke Syurga. tapi siapa kita untuk menghukum siapa yang akan masuk syurga dan siapa yang akan masuk ke neraka? ramai yang tulis comment

1. oh kesian dekat dunia dah terbakar apatah lagi di neraka
2. dia kafir kan confirm laa masuk neraka
3. sebaik mana pun dia, dia tetap kafir, so masuk neraka

and banyak lagi comment yang buat aku hanya mampu geleng kepala. yes, aku faham. korang nak tekankan yang dia tu kafir, takpayah nak sedih sangat dia mati. sebab akhirnya dia masuk neraka jugak. but korang yang comment tu confirm sangat ke masuk ke syurga? hak setiap makhluk Allah untuk masuk ke Syurga atau Neraka hanya mampu ditentukan oleh Allah sahaja. kita sebagai manusia, sedalam mana pun ilmu kita tentang agama kita, kita TAKDE HAK nak tentukan hak Syurga dan Neraka bagi mana mana makhluk sekalipun. Islam adalah agama terbaik tapi kita kena ingat, setiap agama tu datangnya dari Allah S.W.T. jugak. Disampaikan oleh Nabi-Nabi Allah jugak. cuma Islam tu adalah agama yang paling sempurna. Buddha, Hindu dan Kristian adalah agama Allah jugak tapi kurang sempurna. mungkin korang lupa tentang fakta itu.

mana-mana Muslimin sekalipun dia beragama Islam tapi kalau dia tak mengamalkan Islam pun masuk neraka jugak kan? kita takkan tahu. even yang mengamalkan Islam tapi matinya dalam keadaan kafir (tidak mengucapkan kalimah Syahadah) jugak akan masuk ke Neraka. ingat lahh tu weyy. sometimes these comments yang memburukkan agama Islam sebenarnya. dalam Islam kita tak pernah diajar untuk merendahkan apatah lagi menghina mana-mana agama. sebab sesungguhnya semua agama itu datangnya dari Allah. tinggal sempurna atau tidak je. so mohon kepada korang yang nak tunjuk banyak sangat ilmu Islam tu mohon fikir balik ye?

p.s. sekalipun korang seorang yang beriman kepada Allah, tapi kalau niat korang dalam setiap benda yang korang buat tu buruk, tetap tidak menunjukkan korang sebagai seorang Muslimin. dalam kehidupan, niat tu paling penting. kalau niat korang baik, inshaAllah hidup korang akan diredhai-Nya.


Wednesday, December 4

my story part i

i grew up quite different from other people. i learnt to be independent since i was a kid and i did everything in my life almost all by myself. my parents were at the peak of their career during this period and they were very busy and didnt really have that much time for me. i stayed with my grandparents most of the time and i was really close to them. they were the ones who practically brought me up actually. since i was a child i learnt that life is not that simple. i know my parents were working hard for both me and my sister so that we both can have a better life. so that we both can be happy. i know that money cant buy happiness but somehow that quote is quite true though. if we dont have the means we cant really be happy. its Y2K what do you expect? everything needs money.

my parents were both came from the village and their family are not as well as we are right now. so i understand why they were busy and didnt really have time for me. but as a lil kid back then i didnt know anything. prolly thats how i get my rebellious attitude from. im actually a very tough kid. even now. you can say that im heartless and i practice IDGAF in my life. being ignorant actually makes me happy. yay! \O/ i dont question that much. and i dont really express myself that much. but i express myself through sarcasm a lot though. some people find that annoying and very rude. but oh well, thats just me i guess? i tried so hard to change but it takes time. maybe? 

since i was small i did everything on my own. i go to school on my own, take the report card on my own, receive my prize on my own. i started to learn how to cook when i was around 10, 11. and when i was 13 i got into boarding school. yay again! finally i dont have to get tired just to travel by bus to go to school and come back home. so since young i was comfortable of being on my own far away from my family. i dont have a big family and apart from my parents and my grandparents, i only have a sister. and she's 10 years older than me (SO OLD!) hahaha. but we're tight. real tight. but we annoy each other so much that sometimes we cant stand being close to each other. or not world war 3 would have happened. LOL. 

i was quite a lonely kid back then. prolly because im used to being alone. im very boring, truth to be told. i dont really start convos and usually if people talk to me, they will find that im kinda annoying and weird in a way. sometimes when i make jokes, they dont really get it. they take sarcasm very seriously and to them its kinda rude. really? being sarcastic is rude? damn man, you should go and try living with the Americans then. they're worse. so in order for people to not hate me, i just shut myself up. damage prevented. nobody gets hurt. nobody gets annoyed. and nobody will feel that im such a nuisance anymore. i hate dramas a lot. and everytime if someone tries to create drama for me, i'll just do what im best at. IGNORE. 

i love to be by myself but at the same time i do enjoy great company. i know we cant choose our surroundings and the people around us. thats why i rather be alone then being around people who are just completely judgmental. they are just plain psychos to me. but we cant change people, unless they wanna change themselves. so we can just accept them for who they are. i do accept everyone and their personalities but sometimes, their stupidity just kills me. i think most of my personality evolves as i get to know the world and its people. who i really am? what are my experiences? what kinds of people ive met? 


ignorance is a bliss

hello mellow yellow yeah whatever

being me is just awesome. i hate to act and i hate to be someone else. and i bet each and everyone of you guys out there are just the same. being ourselves is the most fun thing ever. until at one point. when someone else tries to bring us down. REMEMBER! dont let them do that to you! you should be happy to be yourself. why do you have to be someone else just to please everyone else around you? you can never please anybody and everybody will always find reasons to bring you down (some people are just so weird, you just have to ignore them).

so basically being me is just easy. i am an ignorant person. i dont give a fuck about anything and everything around me. and i am just like that. however, somehow, my ignorance seems to be a problem for everyone else. hmmm... i wonder why? my perspectives towards the world is very different from everyone else. probably because i was independent since i was small. i dont really rely on people too much. and i have trust issues. i can easily trust the wrong people and at the same do not trust the right people. weird? thats my middle name! HARHAR.

in my degree i have to learn a lot about culture, ideologies, society and well basically everything about the world. its hard for me though as i am very ignorant, not conscience, very not observant and someone who just doesnt care about anything. i hate to question and i hate to answer question LOL. why cant people not question about anything and just accept things just they way they are? i know there must be a reason for everything but why exactly do we have to know? its just weird you know. asking and questioning about everything and wanting to analyse the world, the society, the culture. i guess i dont have the consensus to actually know all the things that i should know. SHOULD I KNOW?

my cousin keep on scolding me for being so ignorant for the wrong things, at the wrong time. she said that nowadays, we cannot be that ignorant as the world is changing, its revolving. and we have to know the changes. the reasons behind the changes. and why do we have to be part of the changes. what if i dont want to? what if i just want everything to stay the same? prolly a little change wont harm but what if i dont wanna be part of it? i just wanna be the 3rd person who always have his/her own perspectives. and doesnt wanna feel belong. doesnt wanna be part of the society.

can i just be invisible instead? its not like anybody cares anyway about me. let me just be someone who is part of the society yet nobody knows about it.

if i disappear anyway, nobody will ever notice. right?