my story part i

i grew up quite different from other people. i learnt to be independent since i was a kid and i did everything in my life almost all by myself. my parents were at the peak of their career during this period and they were very busy and didnt really have that much time for me. i stayed with my grandparents most of the time and i was really close to them. they were the ones who practically brought me up actually. since i was a child i learnt that life is not that simple. i know my parents were working hard for both me and my sister so that we both can have a better life. so that we both can be happy. i know that money cant buy happiness but somehow that quote is quite true though. if we dont have the means we cant really be happy. its Y2K what do you expect? everything needs money.

my parents were both came from the village and their family are not as well as we are right now. so i understand why they were busy and didnt really have time for me. but as a lil kid back then i didnt know anything. prolly thats how i get my rebellious attitude from. im actually a very tough kid. even now. you can say that im heartless and i practice IDGAF in my life. being ignorant actually makes me happy. yay! \O/ i dont question that much. and i dont really express myself that much. but i express myself through sarcasm a lot though. some people find that annoying and very rude. but oh well, thats just me i guess? i tried so hard to change but it takes time. maybe? 

since i was small i did everything on my own. i go to school on my own, take the report card on my own, receive my prize on my own. i started to learn how to cook when i was around 10, 11. and when i was 13 i got into boarding school. yay again! finally i dont have to get tired just to travel by bus to go to school and come back home. so since young i was comfortable of being on my own far away from my family. i dont have a big family and apart from my parents and my grandparents, i only have a sister. and she's 10 years older than me (SO OLD!) hahaha. but we're tight. real tight. but we annoy each other so much that sometimes we cant stand being close to each other. or not world war 3 would have happened. LOL. 

i was quite a lonely kid back then. prolly because im used to being alone. im very boring, truth to be told. i dont really start convos and usually if people talk to me, they will find that im kinda annoying and weird in a way. sometimes when i make jokes, they dont really get it. they take sarcasm very seriously and to them its kinda rude. really? being sarcastic is rude? damn man, you should go and try living with the Americans then. they're worse. so in order for people to not hate me, i just shut myself up. damage prevented. nobody gets hurt. nobody gets annoyed. and nobody will feel that im such a nuisance anymore. i hate dramas a lot. and everytime if someone tries to create drama for me, i'll just do what im best at. IGNORE. 

i love to be by myself but at the same time i do enjoy great company. i know we cant choose our surroundings and the people around us. thats why i rather be alone then being around people who are just completely judgmental. they are just plain psychos to me. but we cant change people, unless they wanna change themselves. so we can just accept them for who they are. i do accept everyone and their personalities but sometimes, their stupidity just kills me. i think most of my personality evolves as i get to know the world and its people. who i really am? what are my experiences? what kinds of people ive met? 

xoxo,

n.